Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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