I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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