Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
