Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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