I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
