The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
