Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I am never drinking with the goths again.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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