Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
