And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
