He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
