I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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