she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
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