the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
