if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
