She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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