pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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