Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
