he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
