i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
