there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
