speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
