Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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