She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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