so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
