i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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