Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
