Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
