My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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