do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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