im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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