That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
