My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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