I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
