um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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