Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
