I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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