In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
