When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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