He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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