So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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