Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
