How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
