he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
