Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
