He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
