Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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