I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
birth control should be required to get into college
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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