if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
