nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
