I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
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