we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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