I have demons in me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
