i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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