Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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