Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
