dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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