yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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