k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
